Typical Trini Man?

A Carenage girl decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off the quay.

 As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a sailor noticed her as he strolled by.   "You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?" he asked.   "Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl.   Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.   

"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what.  I'm sailing off for America tomorrow.  Why don't you stowaway on board and start a new life over there.

 I'll set you up in the engine room, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you, if you look after me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found." 

 The girl, having no better prospects, agreed and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night.   For the next two weeks the sailor came to her in the engine room every night, bringing food and water and making love to her until dawn.   

Then, during the third week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and found the startled young woman and demanded an explanation. 

 The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America.  One of the sailors is helping me out.  He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and he's screwing me."   

The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his face and he buss out laughing, "Girl, he screwing you big time.  This is the Tobago Ferry!"
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Trini Couple

A newlywed Trini couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies so he said to his new wife, "Baby, ah coming back."

.''Where yuh going, honey bunny?" asked the wife.
"Ah going by de bar, dahlin. Ah going and drink a beer."
 
'The wife said, 'Yuh want a beer, my love?' 
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Trinidad & Tobago , Germany , Jamaica , Holland , Guyana , Japan , America , etc..
 
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was

,"Yes, sweetness...but by de bar...yuh know...dey have frozen glasses...' He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'Yuh want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
 
 She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

 The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, chunkulunks, but by de bar dey have dem cutters that does go down REAL good... Ah wouldn't be long, ah coming back now. Ah promise

. OK?' You want cutters, doo-doo?' She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different cutters: chicken wings, geera pork, fried wantons etc.

 "But pumpkin... By de bar... Yuh know...the atmosphere nah.....it have cussin, dirty words and all that..."
 
"Yuh want cussin sugar plum?  Drink yuh f**kin beer in yuh mudda c*nt frozen glass and eat yuh f***in cutters right dey.  Yuh marrid now, and yuh ain't goin no f***in where without me!  Not ah f**k at dat! Feel yuh f***in smart!
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IRS Audit

------The I.R.S. Audit----

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said,
"I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?

 "Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.

 "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?

 "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.

 "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO.

"Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?

 "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."
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Clean Laugh

Moishe Plotnik's Laundry(A true story!)

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners..... .

When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.''Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered.
'How does that belong in Chinatown??

'He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking dry cleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo 'Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry.'

The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office.

Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase. The tourist asked, 'Can you explain how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?''

The old man answered, 'Ah..Evleebody ask me dat. It name of owner.

'Looking around, the tourist asked, 'Is he here now?

''It me, Me him!' replied the old man.'Really? You're Chinese. How did you ever get a Jewish name like Moishe Plotnik?

''It simple' said the old man. 'Many, many year ago I come to this country. I, standing in line at 'Document Center of Immigration.

'Man in front of me was man from Poland..''Lady at counter look at him and say to him, 'What you name?'He (Polish man) say to her, 'Moishe Plotnik.'Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?'I say, 'Sam Ting.'??
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Can you unfold a Rosebud?

 GOD'S  Rosebud:

A  new minister was  walking with an older,more seasoned minister in the  garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about  what God had for him to do,he was asking the older  preacher for some advice.

 The older preacher walked  up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud  and told him to open it without tearing off any  petals.

The  young preacher looked in disbelief at the older  preacher and was trying to figure out what a  rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to  know the will of God for his life and  ministry.

But because of his great  respect for  the older preacher,he proceeded to try to unfold the  rose,while keeping every petal intact. It wasn't  long before he realized how impossible this was to do.

Noticing the younger preacher's  inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older preacher began to recite the following poem... 

"It is only a tiny rosebud, A flower of God's design; But I cannot unfold the petals With these clumsy hands of mine."

"The secret of unfolding flowers Is not known to such as I. GOD opens this flower so easily, But in my hands they die."

"If I cannot unfold a rosebud, This flower of God's design, Then how can I have the wisdom To unfold this life of mine?"

"So I'll trust in God for leading Each moment of my day. I will look to God for guidance In each step of the way."

"The path that lies before me, Only my Lord knows. I'll  trust God to unfold the moments,Just as He unfolds the rose."  

Please  share this poem with a friend if you enjoyed being reminded to let go and let God unfold your life.
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Obama Will Triumph -- So Will America By Frank Schaeffer

Frank Schaeffer is a New York Times best selling author.

Before he'd  served even one year President  Obama lost the support  of the easily distracted left and engendered the  white hot rage of the hate-filled right.

But some of us, from all walks of  life and ideological backgrounds -- including this white, straight,  57-year old,former religious right-wing agitator, now progressive writer and (given my background as the son of a famous evangelical leader) this unlikely Obama supporter -- are sticking with our President.    

Why?--  because he is succeeding. We, faithful Obama supporters still trust our initial impression of him as a great, good and uniquely qualified man to lead us. Obama's steady supporters will be proved right.  Obama's critics will be remembered as easily panicked and prematurely discouraged at best and shriveled hate mongers at worst. 

The Context of the Obama  Presidency Not since the days of the rise of fascism in  Europe , the Second World War and the Depression has any president faced  more adversity. Not since the Civil War has any president led a more bitterly divided country. Not since the introduction of racial integration has any president faced a more consistently short-sighted and willfully  ignorant opposition - from both  the right  and left. 

As the President's poll numbers have fallen so  has his support from some on the left that were hailing him as a Messiah not long ago; all those lefty websites and commentators that were falling  all over themselves on behalf of our first black president during the  2008  election. The left's lack of faith has become a self-fulfilling  "prophecy"-- snipe at the President and then watch the poll numbers fall  and then pretend you didn't have  anything to do with it!

 Here is what Obama faced when he took office-- none of which was his  fault: 

# An ideologically divided country to the point that  America was really two countries 
# Two wars; one that was  mishandled from the start, the other that was unnecessary and  immoral 
# The worst economic crisis since the depression 
#  America 's standing in the world at the lowest point in history 
# A  country that had been misled into accepting the use of torture of prisoners of war 
# A health care system in free fall 
# An  educational system in free fall 
# A global environmental crisis of  history-altering proportions(about which the Bush administration and the  Republicans had done nothing) 
# An impasse between culture warriors  from the right and left 
# A huge financial deficit inherited from  the terminally irresponsible Bush administration. 

And those were  only some of the problems sitting  on the President's desk! 

"Help" from the Right? 

What did the Republicans and the religious right, libertarians and half-baked conspiracy theorists -- that is what the Republicans were reduced to by the time Obama took office -- do to "help" our new president (and our country) succeed? 

They claimed that he wasn't a real American, didn't have an American birth certificate, wasn't  born here, was secretly a Muslim, was white-hating "racist",  was secretly  a communist, was actually the Anti-Christ, (!) and was  a reincarnation of  Hitler and wanted "death panels" to kill the elderly! They not-so-subtly called for his assassination through the not-so-subtle use of vile signs held at their rallies and even a bumper sticker quoting  Psalm 109:8.

They organized "tea parties" to sound off against imagined  insults and all government in general and gathered to howl at the moon.  They were led by insurance industry lobbyists and deranged (but well  financed) "commentators" from  Glenn Beck to Rush Limbaugh. The  utterly discredited Roman Catholic bishops teamed up with the utterly discredited evangelical leaders to denounce a president who was trying to  actually do something about the poor, the environment, to diminish the  number of abortions through compassionate programs to help women and to care for the sick!

And in Congress the Republican leadership only knew one  word: "No!" 

In other words the reactionary white, rube uneducated, crazy American far right,combined with the educated but obtuse neoconservative war mongers, religious right shills for big business,  libertarian Fed Reserve-hating gold bug, gun-loving crazies,  child-molesting acquiescent "bishops"frontier loons and evangelical  gay-hating flakes found one thing to briefly unite  them:

Their desire to stop an uppity black man from  succeeding at  all costs! 

"Help" from the Left?

 What did the left do to help their newly elected president? Some of  them excoriated the  President because they disagreed with the bad choices he was being forced  to make regarding a war in Afghanistan that he inherited from the worst president in modern history! 

Others stood up and bravely proclaimed that  the President's economic policies had "failed" before the President even instituted them! Others said that since all gay rights battles had not been fully won within virtually minutes of the President taking office, they'd been "betrayed"!

(Never mind that Obama's vocal support to the gay community is  stronger than any other president's has been.  Never mind that he signed a  new hate crimes law!) 

Those that had stood in transfixed legions weeping with beatific emotion on election night turned into an angry mob  saying how  "disappointed" they were that they'd not all immediately been translated to heaven the moment Obama stepped into the White House! Where  was the "change"?

Contrary to their expectations they were still mere mortals!And the legion of young new supporters was too busy texting to pay attention for longer than a nano second. "Governing"?!

What  the hell  does that word, uh, like mean?" 

The President's critics  left and right all had one thing in common: impatience laced with little-to-no sense of history (let alone reality) thrown in for good  measure. Then of course there were the white, snide know-it-all commentators/talking heads who just couldn't imagine that maybe, just maybe they weren't as smart as  they thought they were and certainly not as smart as their president. He hadn't  consulted them, had he? So he must be wrong! 

The Obama critics'  ideological ideas defined their idea of reality rather than reality  defining their ideas-say, about what is possible in one year in office after the hand that the  President had been dealt by fate, or to be exact by the American idiot nation that voted Bush into office. twice! 

Meanwhile back in the reality-based community -  in just 12 short months -- President Obama: 

#Continued to  draw down the misbegotten war in Iraq (But that wasn't good enough for  his critics) 
#Thoughtfully and decisively picked the best of several bad choices regarding the war in Afghanistan(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Gave a major precedent-setting speech  supporting gay rights (But that wasn't good enough for his  critics) 
#Restored America 's image around the globe(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Banned torture of American  prisoners(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Stopped the free fall of the American economy(But that wasn't  good enough for his critics) 
#Put the USA squarely back in the  bilateral international community(But that wasn't good enough for his  critics) 
#Put the USA squarely into the middle of the  international effort to halt global warming(But that wasn't good  enough for his critics) 
#Stood up for educational reform(But  that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Won a Nobel peace  prize(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Moved the  trial of terrorists back into the American judicial system of checks and  balances(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Did  what had to be done to start the slow, torturous and almost impossible  process of health care reform that 7 presidents had failed to even  begin(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Responded  to hatred from the right and left with measured good humor and  patience(But that wasn't good enough for his critics) 
#Stopped  the free fall of job losses(But that wasn't good enough for his  critics) 
#Showed immense personal courage in the face of an armed  and  dangerous far right opposition that included the sort of disgusting people that show up at public meetings carrying loaded weapons and carrying Timothy McVeigh inspired signs about the "blood of tyrants"  needing to "water the tree of liberty". (But that wasn't good enough  for his critics) 
#Showed that he could not only make the tough  military choices but explained and defended them brilliantly(But that  wasn't good enough for his critics) 

Other than those  "disappointing" accomplishments -- IN ONE YEAR --  President Obama  "failed"!

Other than that he didn't "live up to expectations"!

Who actually has  failed......are the Americans that can't see the beginning  of a miracle of  national rebirth right under their jaded noses.

Who failed  are the smart ass ideologies of the left and right who began rooting for this President to fail so that they could  be proved right in their dire and morbid predictions.

Who failed  are the movers and shakers  behind our obscenely dumb news cycles that have  turned "news" into just more stupid entertainment for an  entertainment-besotted  infantile country. 

Here's the good news:
President Obama is succeeding without the  help of his lefty "supporters"  or hate-filled Republican  detractors! The Future Looks  Good After Obama has served two full terms, (and he will),  after his wisdom in moving deliberately and cautiously with great subtlety on all fronts -- with a canny and calculating eye to the possible succeeds, (it will), after the economy is booming and new industries are burgeoning, (they will be), after the doom sayers are all proved not just wrong but silly:

Let the record show that not all Americans were panicked  into thinking the sky was falling. Just because we didn't get  everything we wanted in the first short and fraught year Obama was in  office not all of us gave up. Some of us stayed the course. And we will be proved right. 

PS. if you agree that Obama is shaping up to be a great president,  please pass this on and hang in there!  Pass it on anyway to ensure  that his "report card" gets the attention it deserves. 
 
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