The Male Physical..A comedy of errors...

Every wondered why men, as strong and as brawn as we appear to be, never or rarely discuss the "going ons" of a complete physical at the doctors office?

I say "Men be warned" why not? There are other labels out there that are applied to dangerous situations. Had a physical examination been a product it would read "Buyer Beware" or the doctor a house pet "Beware of the dog" would be a fence or gate posting. Warning signs have and will serve a purpose, mainly to give people the heads-up to impending danger.

Funny yes but think about what I'm saying for a few, yes ponder with me if you will (if you haven't already) the thought of a young man....No better yet, a man going with all good intentions to his doctor for a physical. To the young men out there take note.

Women out there may be saying that I'm about to cry foul because They have go to doctors all the time, so it can't be all that bad. All well and good as they, (ahum), you women are entitled to your own opinion. But there is a major difference here, and hopefully you'll see the humor and horror of it before article's end.

You see for women it easy to say that you're off to the Gynecologist and you leave home with the knowledge that hey, "today my doctor is going to be down there today", and with that in mind, adjust to suit. A urologist I'm thinking deals with urinary and genitalia issues of the male and female correct? What branch of medicine deals with Ass probing? Same specialist? No a proctologist !

I'm talking about a regular doctor, a regular man, on a regular day, whistling on his way to the doctor's office because he is telling himself " gee I love my life and my family so much, I think I'll go get me some insurance, together with a physical, lunch, a few drinks later and then a party perhaps?" Just a thought...in reality this is what happened (happens oops!).

This could happen to you :

This fella went for said physical by a recommended physician, a regular Doc.... Sat down filled out the required information and waited to be called.

Upon reaching and subsequently sitting on that cold examination table the eloquent sound of waves crashing from the 'Bose Wave Sound' radio permeated the room with its enchanting and oh so relaxing rhythms. "Ahh" the thought that this is such a nice office could not be ignored. After a brief discussion the doctor begins his examination.

You know, its normal to strip and when asked to do that I ( ahem), I mean this fella obliged and put on the gown. Moving on to the actual examination, one is asked to urinate in a kidney shaped bowl, however, let it be known that the idea of the sample is just that, a sample! Don't fill up the whole kidney with piss, just enough to dip those strips in to check your sugar. One's blood pressure is taken and if necessary a blood sample is taken (none was on that day).

A test of one's reflexes is next where one might be tempted to exaggerate movements and kick the doctor. From there the physician may check your muscles, joints and your lungs...you know, breathe in and breathe out ....Then comes the kicker!

This is where they get personal, "Buyer Beware"!!!

Be prepared to be up close and personal and pray to God for fresh breath! Your eyes and ears are next and I'm thinking this is as close as I get to any one before there is an exchange of bodily fluids.

And then wham! There it is you've got a stranger holding your scrotum aka BALLS in his hand without so much as a soft spoken word or a kiss, telling you to cough!!!

Invariably the physical was in motion and having someone cup your balls like a thief in the night and without so much as a warning was as a thought the end of a disturbing day. But needless to say it had just begun...

"Turn around and bend over". Words commonly associated with being incarcerated, would reverberate and send unmanly chills over, around and through any strait man's
body. What goes on in a persons mind is left to the individual. However for me, I'd be thinking that this is not how I figured my day will turn out.

In fact for the individual at hand it got worst when without warning a violation did occur! At this point the man in you tells you to turn around and confront the penetrator / perpetrator, but then one is asked to relax, huh? Relax and what, "take it like a man", take what? You are, as you may know are entitled to know "what" is going up your ass, don't you think so ?

Women, the shame of being violated borders on rape and one could only empathize with you as this ordeal compares not to your gynecological or mammography experiences.

But in so far as this goes, we men have had to hold pride in hand and address the issues of Prostrate Cancer and the prerequisite/ preventative annual more intense checkups associated with early detention and care of same...

No one died and life goes on.
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Cedar Druids horoscope by DailyHoroscope

The strong, magnificent Cedar has a revered history that dates back thousands of years. According to legend, its aromatic red wood was used in the construction of Noah's Ark, the Ark of the Covenant, and the cross on which Christ was crucified. This stunning beautiful tree, with its unmistakable silhouette, is associated with healing, cleansing, and protection against evil. Cedar Tree people are also beautiful, but despite their attractive appearance it is not their beauty, but rather their strength of mind that impresses others.

Confident and self-reliant, this sign can feel like home practically anywhere. Cedar people can adapt to any situation and find the perfect solution to even the toughest, most complex problem. Although Cedars feel no particular need to be admired, their dedication and hard work bring them plenty of admiration.

Most signs are drawn to Cedar Tree people. They seek out the Cedar's advice, value its opinions, and feel privileged to do favors for Cedar people. And that's fine, because Cedars like to be in a spotlight. They believe that they have a right to have the last word in any given situation.

Cedar Tree people can be tyrants, but they are a very trusting kind. They will never bother to look over anyone's shoulder to see that something has been done exactly as demanded. When dealing with others, Cedars often abuse their power, but they do so unintentionally. Because they are unfamiliar with modesty, shyness, and the lack of self-confidence, they may have many bullies. Even well past teen age, Cedars can hurt somebody's feelings or put someone down just to have a good chuckle. However, at the same time, Cedars are afraid to become an object of derision themselves. They will never forget anybody who has ever dared to make fun of them.

Cedar people are very self-assured, which is their greatest advantage and, at the same time, their greatest disadvantage. No matter how difficult the situation may be, Cedars never ask for help. In fact, they are great at finding trouble. Obstacles not only make Cedars stronger, they make them believe that they are unbeatable. Cedars are extreme optimists. They prefer to go with a flow because they always believe in a positive outcome. When Cedar Tree people take a matter into their own hands, they put all their energy and heart into it.
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Hackberry - Druid horoscope

Druids were ancient celtic priests who operated mainly in british and french areas. Regrettable is that there are no much information about ancient druids nowadays, because they shared their traditions by mouth-to-mouth instead of using literal archives.

Druids were and are known as nature-loving people, who had much effects in northern british-isles. Many druidic rites and ceremonies have transferred into modern days and pagan festivities like the halloween party. Also wiccan as a religion has much to thank for druids, as many of it's traditions are influenced by druids. Modern druids operate mainly on british isles.

Name
Hackberry

Dates
9.2-18.2,14.8-23.8

Type
Masculine

Element
Fire

Description
Hackberry person easily adapts to any situations without problems. He's got a good health and wants to amaze other and be center of everything. Hackberry-people can make quick and determined solutions.

He is a proud, self-centered and optimistic, which has cause him to make careless choices.
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Two Parrots

 A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. 

 I have two female parrots,  But they only know to say one thing.'  'What do they say?' the priest asked. 

 They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'  'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, 

 Then he thought for a moment.....  'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.

 I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...  Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

  My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying...  That phrase...  In no time.'  'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' 

 The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....  As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying... 

 Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...  After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:  Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'  There was stunned silence...  Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,  'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered! 
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Why Sharks Circle before attacking

‎​
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." 
And they did. 

"Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." 
And they did. 

When they were both gorged, the son asked, 
"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?  Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!" 
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Trini Retailers

A couple of Trini businessmen in Chaguanas were sitting down for a break in their soon to be open store. The store wasn't ready yet with only a few shelves set up.

 One said to the other, "Ah bet any minute now, some chupidee go put he face in the window and ask what we selling"

 No sooner were the words out of his mouth, when sure enough a curious window shopper walked to the window, had a peek and in a loud voice asked, "What all yuh selling here?" 

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We selling arse-holes."

 Without skipping a beat, the window shopper said, "All yuh doin well then...only two left!"
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Trini hearsay or Trini life

EXPERIENCED IT ALL:

Ignition switches on the dashboard, Air Horn button, Pioneer 'Clock Face' Cassette Deck and gold music horns on door posts of taxis.

Dish rims and spacers on cars so the tyres stick out

The punk belt, coral chain or black coral pendants, multi-coloured laces, Jerri Curl, Punk(mullet), Gumby or muff hair styles.

Pants leg clips for bicycles without chain guards so that the black oil don't rub on your pants or your foot..Clothes pin and card on bicycle spoke to click when rotating. Straighting of bicycle fork and extending it ..Replacing the standard bicycle handle with a strait bar.

 Soldering COAL POT irons heated on a coal pot or pitch-oil stove

Using hand signals for cars without  indicators or the little yellow hand would pop out of the side of the car door. 

Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom

1) Candy cigarettes, Kaiser ball, Chili Bibbi and mango chow, Tippi Tambo, Snatty nose Dongs, Goo-Goo-beff, Padu,

2) The parlor at the corner and the shop on. the main road

3) Storming fete.

4) Only 1 telephone on the whole street.

5)  Newsreels before the movie, and the boys lime was in PIT (25 cents) and they would exit the side door and the cute girls would lime in HOUSE (50cents), and there was always a lady selling nuts and dinner mints on the steps outside. Checking out a Silver Fox double @ Globe....The Chinese shoe

6) TV - Ricky-Ticky- was the hardest children show with Jermaine Mitchell. The lime was at somebody's house and all the children in the area would be sitting on the floor enjoying the show - Only 1 TV Channel  -TTT... , And only one or two TVs in the whole neighborhood. The Electric Company, Muppet Show and d original Sesame Street.

7) Sling shot, and the big game for the boys was 'police and tief' and gun and caps was the GUN of the times but "yuh muss only fall down and play dead"

8)  Latrine, WC, Outhouse.  Those who had toilet had a water tank high above your head with a long chain to pull to flush. 

9)  78, 33 and 45 RPM was the records and a Gramophone or Turntable to play your records.

10) Hops bread, butter bread, rock cake, pallet, hail and a big snow cone without a cup.

11) Metal ice trays with a lever . Everybody had koolaid ice blocks.

12)  Pitch Oil Flambeau and torch light with a Blue flashbulb - 2 cell using 2 batteries and a Green flashbulb - 3 cell using 3 batteries.

13)  Playing marbles.. You had to have a snake eye and hop scotch in the yard.  A big rope hanging from the tree with a piece of wood or tire for the seat to swing with.

14)  The fish man would ride by every day on his bike with a horn on the bike handle squeezing and BAWLING  - 'Carite, Moonshine and Cavali.  A box full of fish on ice at the back.  He had a scale, Guardian newspaper to wrap up the fish and a chopper to chop it up...The man knew everybody in the area by name and their choice of fish.

15)   Scrubbing Board or Jooking Board, blue soap  and Breeze, and mummy must bleach the clothes on some special stones at the back of the yard (Don't run on those stones - mummy would act like they are sacred) or, she had daddy build a bleach with wood and wire to lay out all the whites already washed in blue.  Water at the stand pipe.

16) Boys raiding people's mango tree, plum tree, guava tree and any fruit tree at night and scaling fence. Next morning the poor tree is bare.

17)  Every body had to be Uncle or Auntie and yuh better say Good Morning to everybody before they tell on you, or is LICKS.  "Yuh Rude"

18)  Getting a 'CUFF IN YUH MOUTH  or a CLOUT IN YUH HEAD' for answering back, watching CUT EYE or WALKING OFF when Mummy speak to you.

19)  POSEY or TENSIL to pee in at night and no body want to empty it or wash it.  Don't let mummy smell it because is LICKS IN YUH TAIL

20)  And you had to drink your BUSH TEA, and take Senna Pod tea, your SALTS, CASTOR OIL, worm out or else... 

 If you remembered 0 to 3:    You're still young

If you remembered 3 to 6:  You are getting older 

If you remembered 7 to 15: Don't tell your age

If you remembered ALL =  You might be older than 'rock of ages' 

But those memories should be some of the best days of your life. Don't you agree?
Share with your LONG TIME friends....           Trini forever!!!!!
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