A Man's List

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.  I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object.  Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity; its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?     
A: The same thing as a French kiss only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.  He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?     
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?     
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
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