Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Womanese

Gentlemen thank me later, but Its called 'WOMANESE' the coded language all women use to communicate.....

Take NOTE:

1. "Fine - I am right". This argument is over. You need to shut up.  

2. "That's Okay" - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.  

3. "Nothing" - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).

4. "Five Minutes" - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.)

5. "Thanks" - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.  

6. "Loud Sigh" - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)  

7. "Go Ahead" - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)   The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women  

8. "Don't worry about it, I got it" - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)
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How To Make A Woman Happy?

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY


1. Show up naked

2. Cook some food


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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

TAKING AWOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/women Aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78

**********************************************************At 8You take her to bed and tell her a story*********************************************At 18You tell her a story and take her to bed***********************************************At 28You don't need to tell her a story To take her to bed***********************************************At 38She tells you a story and takes you to bed***********************************************At 48She tells you a story to avoid going to bed***********************************************At 58You stay in bed to avoid her story*********************************************At 68If you take her to bed, that'll be a story*********************************************At 78What story? What bed?Who the hell are you?**********************************************According to the Office for National Statistics:

190,374 People are having sex right now

212,130 Are kissing

And one poor ole fart Is reading emails

You hang in there sunshine! 


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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Altar Boy

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Eddie Hunter?

''Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?

''I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.

''Well, Eddie, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.  Was it Tina Minetti?

''I cannot say.

''Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?

''I'll never tell.

''Was it Nina Capelli?

''I'm sorry but I cannot name her.

''Was it Cathy Piriano?

''My lips are sealed.' 

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped and I admire that but you've sinned and have to atone.  You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.  Now you go and behave yourself.'

Eddie walks back to his pew and his friend slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 

'Four months vacation and five good leads...'


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Mind Test

Only great minds can read this. 

This is weird, but interesting!

 If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too Can you raed this?

Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I CDC's blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

If you can raed this forwrad it FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT.
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Monday, December 13, 2010

50 Female Facts

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cyats, but when women aren't looking, men kill cyats. Have you ever 'KILLED' a cyat?

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.

32. The first naked man women see is 'Ken'.

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-
language.

36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentines Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a
conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

41. Did I mention that even after a careful and through explanation to the men in their lives, only women will understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'?

42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'

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50 Male facts

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the "nice" of bald.

5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates really hard, he can help his team. If his team is in trouble, he coaches the players from the living room. If they are really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

11. The way a man looks at himself in the mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to KNOW.

13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.

15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk." No matter what the subject is, these seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Norman Schwarzkopf.

18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log doesn't burn, he will take it personally.

19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

20. All men think they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

21. Men do not get cellulite. Another point for g-d possibly being a man.

22. Men have an easier time shopping for a bathing suit. Women have two types: Depressing and More depressing! Men have two types: Nerdy and Not Nerdy.

23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in the winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my g-d, I'm so embarrassed. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo!"

25. Most men hate to shop. That is why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

27. If you are dating a man who you think might be Mr. Right if he only: a) got older b) got a new job or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a rude awakening. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get looser, baggier and longer.

29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie The Way We Were twice, voluntarily.

34. Most women are introspective. "Am I In Love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

35. If a man says "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't FORGET... he didn't LOSE your number... he didn't DIE! He just didn't want to call you.

36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes. But not with each other."

37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of the sight of women.

38. Getting rid of any man without hurting our masculinity may be a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes we leave skid marks.

39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Gramzee, you look great." Gramzee: "Thanks."
On the other side, "Lisa, you look great." Lisa: "I do? Must be the lighting."

40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume his clothing has shrunk.

46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause: you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

47. Men forget everything. Women remember everything.

48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

50. Men masturbate more
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Thursday, December 2, 2010

USED vs LOVED

What a powerful reminder of where we ought to be ( mentally, emotionally, spiritually) as we prepare for the close of this year and brace ourselves for the pains and pleasures of the next...............

.*Used vs. Loved *

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' 

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions.......sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'. 

The next day that man committed suicide. . .. 

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... 

Things are to be used and people are to be loved, but the  problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved... 

During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:

"Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself...." This is the only day we HAVE.

Have a nice day...

." Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Food as Medicine

Food as Medicine  

HEADACHE?   EAT   FISH!  
Eat   plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent  headaches..So  does ginger, which  reduces inflammation and pain.  

HAY   FEVER?   EAT   YOGURT!
Eat   lots of yogurt before pollen season.  Also-eat honey from  your area (local  region) daily.

TO   PREVENT STROKE   DRINK   TEA!  
Prevent   build-up of fatty deposits on artery walls  with regular  doses of tea.  (actually,   tea suppresses appetite and keeps the  pounds from  invading....Green tea is great  for our immune  system)!  

INSOMNIA   (CAN'T SLEEP?)   HONEY!  
Use honey as a tranquilizer and  sedative.  

ASTHMA?   EAT   ONIONS!!!!  Eating   onions helps ease constriction of  bronchial tubes.  (onion packs placed  on chest helped the respiratory ailments and actually made breathing   better).

ARTHRITIS?   EAT   FISH, TOO!!  
Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines  actually  prevent arthritis.  (fish   has omega oils, good for our immune system)  

UPSET   STOMACH?    BANANAS   - GINGER!!!!!  Bananas   will settle an upset stomach. Ginger  will cure morning  sickness and nausea..  

BLADDER   INFECTION?   DRINK   CRANBERRY  JUICE!!!!  High-acid   cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.  

BONE   PROBLEMS?   EAT   PINEAPPLE!!!  
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be  prevented by the  manganese in pineapple.  

MEMORY   PROBLEMS?   EAT   OYSTERS!  
Oysters   help improve your mental functioning by  supplying  much-needed zinc.  

COLDS?   EAT   GARLIC!  
Clear   up that stuffy head with garlic.  (remember,   garlic lowers cholesterol,  too.)

COUGHING?   USE   RED PEPPERS!!  
A substance similar to that found in  the cough syrups is  found in hot red  pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper  with  caution-it can irritate your tummy.  

BREAST   CANCER?    EAT   Wheat, bran and  cabbage  Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy  levels.  

LUNG   CANCER?   EAT   DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND  VEGGIES!!!  
A   good antidote is beta carotene, a form of  Vitamin A found in  dark green and orange  vegetables.  

ULCERS?   EAT   CABBAGE ALSO!!!  
Cabbage contains chemicals that help  heal both gastric  and duodenal ulcers.  

DIARRHEA?   EAT   APPLES!
Grate   an apple with its skin, let it turn brown  and eat it to cure  this condition.  (Bananas are also good for this  ailment)

CLOGGED   ARTERIES?   EAT   AVOCADO!  
Mono   unsaturated fat in avocados lowers  cholesterol.  

HIGH   BLOOD PRESSURE?   EAT   CELERY AND OLIVE  OIL!!!  
Olive oil has been shown to lower  blood pressure.  Celery contains a  chemical that lowers pressure too.  

BLOOD   SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT   BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!!  
The   chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps  regulate insulin and  blood sugar.  

Kiwi:   Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of  potassium,  magnesium, Vitamin E &  fibre. It's Vitamin C content is  twice  that of an orange.  

Apple:   An apple a day keeps the doctor away?  Although an apple has  a low Vitamin C  content, it has antioxidants &   flavonoids which enhances the activity of  Vitamin C thereby  helping to lower the  risks of colon cancer, heart  attack &  stroke..

Strawberry:   Protective fruit. Strawberries have the  highest total  antioxidant power among  major fruits & protects the body  from  cancer causing, blood vessels clogging   free radicals. (Actually,   any berry is good for you..they're high in  anti-oxidants and  they actually keep us  young.

Blueberries are the best  and  very versatile in the health field........they  get rid  of all the free-radicals that  invade our  bodies)

Orange :   Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a  day may help  keep colds away, lower  cholesterol, prevent  & dissolve kidney  stones as well as lessen the risk  of colon  cancer..

Watermelon:   Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92%  water, it is also  packed with a giant dose  of glutathione which helps boost  our  immune system..  They are also a key source  of  lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant.   Other  nutrients    Found in watermelon are Vitamin  C  & Potassium. (watermelon   also has natural substances [natural SPF  sources] that keep  our skin healthy,  protecting our skin from those darn UV   rays)

Guava & Papaya:   Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the  clear winners for  their high Vitamin C  content. Guava is also rich in fibre  which  helps prevent constipation.   Papaya   is rich in carotene, this is good for your  eyes.  (also   good for gas and  indigestion)  

Tomatoes   are   very good as a preventative measure for  men, keeps those  prostrate problems from  invading their  bodies......GOOD   AS MEDICINE..      
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The Dot

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP

.For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in Canada.  If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical advice.


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Saturday, November 27, 2010

Miracle Drink

MIRACLE DRINK- CARROT, POTATO AND APPLE    

 This MIRACLE DRINK has been circulating for a long time long- long ago.  It is worth your while to take note.  

There is a celebrity Mr. Seto who swears by it.  He wants to make it public to draw the attention of people who have cancers.  This is a drink that can protect bad cells forming in your body or it will restrain its growth!

 Mr. Seto had lung cancer.  He was recommended to take this drink by a famous Herbalist from China .  He has taken this drink diligently for 3 months and now his health is restored, and he is ready to take a pleasure trip.

Thanks to this drink!  It does not hurt for you to try.  It is like a Miracle Drink!  It is simple. 

 You need one potato, one carrot and one apple that combine together to make the JUICE ! 

 Wash the above,cut with the skin on into pieces and put them into the juicer and immediately you drink the juice.  You can add some lime or lemon for more refreshing taste. 

 This Miracle Drink will be effective for the following ailments:   

1.  Prevent cancer cells to develop. It will restrain cancer cells to grow.   

2.  Prevent liver, kidney, pancreas decease and it can cure ulcer as well.   

3.  Strengthen the lung, prevent heart attack and high blood pressure.   

4.  Strengthen the immune system   

5.  Good for the eyesight, eliminate red and tired eyes or dry eyes   

6.  Help to eliminate pain from physical training, muscle ache   

7.  Detoxify, assist bowel movement, eliminate constipation. Therefore it will make skin healthy & LOOK more radiant. It is God sent for acne problem.   

8.  Improve bad breath due to indigestion, throat infection,   

9.  Lessen menstrual pain   

10. Assist Hay Fever Sufferer from Hay Fever attack.      

There is absolutely no side effects.  Highly nutritious and easily absorbed!  Very effective if you need to loose weight. You will notice your immune system will be improved after 2 week routine.

Please make sure to drink immediately from the juicer for best effect. 

 WHEN TO DRINK IT:
 
 DRINK IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING on an EMPTY STOMACH AFTER ONE HOUR  YOU CAN EAT BREAKFAST. FOR FAST RESULTS DRINK 2 TIMES A DAY, IN THE MORNING AND BEFORE 5 P.M.
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Friday, November 26, 2010

Suspicious Wife

The husband and his young wife were not on good terms.  

 In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.

**  One evening she suddenly sent Ekaette home for the weekend, and didn't inform the husband.**  

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story:  "Excuse me my dear........my stomach," and disappeared towards the bathroom.

**  The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs, into the maid's bed. She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came silently. 

 He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his willy, and got on top of her.

When he finished and still panting, the wife said.  You didn't expect to find me in this bed did you!!" and switched on the light. 

 No madam, said the gardener"
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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Green Iguana

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How to: Catch and Cook an Iguana

Iguana is a tasty meat. It tastes similar to chicken. It is the 'other' white meat! After the other white meat!

Steps, Tips and Warnings

Catch the iguana:
One technique is to make an old fashioned rabbit box. Place a small piece of meat in the far end when the iguana enters he hits a bar holding up the lid.

(Yeah right?)

The lid slides down trapping the iguana inside. This can be done with a long pole with a noose tied the end.

(I've seen Trini's run and catch Iguanas with their bare hands)

If you live in Central America you just buy one in the Market place.

1. Slit the iguana open down its belly. Pull out all 'guts' Skin the animal. Place the Iguana meat in ice cold water as soon as possible to keep for a few hours.

( The Iguana MUST be burnt to maintain its 'Wild' integrity)

2. Cut the animal up much like a chicken if it is a large iguana. If not it may be cooked whole.

3. Place in pot and cover with water. Salt, pepper and cumin may be added to flavor the meat. Boil until the meat is tender about 30 minutes.

4. Remove from the pot and de-bone the Iguana. Pull all the meat off. Then you may use it as you would any cooked chicken. The liquid maybe used as you would any chicken broth. Dispose of the bones.

NOW that's the North American version......

Where the hell is the Geera and the garlic and the bay leaf with the hot sauce....Coconut milk. And pimentos to add some real Trini flavor to de pot!

Did someone say ground provisions to lap up all that sauce? Or some Buss-up-shut?


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An Excellent Idea

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.

''Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?''Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?''Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.''And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?

'Keith's face turned beet red and he said,'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?''She just died and left me everything.'

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... you know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)        
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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Beer contains hormones

This is alarming

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. 

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!!  


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Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Bunny and the Snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and
an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny
was hopping through the forest and the snake was slithering through the
forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.

This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the
bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind
since birth so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an
orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I am
blind from birth and an orphan. I tell you what. Maybe I could slither all
over you and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for
you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny and said, "Well, you're covered
with soft fur. You have really long ears, your nose twitches and you have a
soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The
bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw
and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over and remarked, "Well, you're smooth,
slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say
you must be either a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior
management."



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A Man's List

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.  I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object.  Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity; its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?     
A: The same thing as a French kiss only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.  He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?     
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?     
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!
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Did the priest lie?

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her:

Woman: "Father, may I ask for a favor?"Priest: "Of course. What may I do for you child?"

Woman: "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and I am well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me.......... Under your robe perhaps?"

Priest: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

Woman: "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." 

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

Custom Officer: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

Priest: "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer was strange.

Custom Officer: "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

Priest: "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Custom Officer: (Roaring with laughter, said) "Go ahead, Father." Next! 

Now.... truly, did the priest lie?

 


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Monday, November 15, 2010

Never Argue With A Jamaican

A Jamaican and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.

 After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue so they decide to stop for a rest.  They stop at a nice hotel and take a room but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The Jamaican explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.  He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the Jamaican insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the Jamaican and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the Jamaican and wife to use.

'But we didn't use them,' the Jamaican complains.

'Well, they are here and you could have,' explains the Manager.  The Manager goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.

 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the Jamaican again.
'Well, we have them and you could have,' the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the Jamaican replies, 'But we didn't use it!'

The Manager is unmoved and eventually the Jamaican gives up and agrees to pay.

 He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check.  'But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $100.

''That's right,' says the Jamaican.. 'I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well,' the Jamaican replies, 'she was here and you could have!"
 

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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Mafia Bookkeeper

 
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.  His bookkeeper is deaf.  That was the reason he got the job in the first place.  It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney who knows sign language. 
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
 
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
 
The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
 
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
 
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
 
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back, "OK!  You win!  The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

 
The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."  
                       
                       

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Types of Scotch Whisky

Introduction

To be classed as "Scotch" whisky must be both distilled and matured in Scotland.

There is a good reason for this. Scotch whiskies derive part of their flavour from the air in the locations where they are stored during maturation.

For example some people swear that they can taste the sea from the strong, distinctively flavoured malt whisky from the Island of Islay.

In accordance with the Scotch Whisky Act of 1988, Scotch must be matured in oak barrels of a capacity not exceeding 700 litres.

The American Bourbon industry demands that barrels may be used only once so these are now sold on to Scotch whisky distillers. Spanish Sherry casks and Port casks are also used. All of these contribute distinctive flavours to the whisky.

Scotch Whisky is commonly sold in single malt, pure malt and blended versions. Malts are generally more expensive than the blends and are produced entirely from malted barley. It should be noted that the production of all types of Scotch Whisky does not allow for any additives or 'enhancers'.

Only cereals (barley, wheat, maize etc) water and yeast may be used, although a small amount of caramel (burnt sugar) is permitted at the point of bottling – this ensures a consistent colour of the finished product.

Blended Scotch Whisky

By far the most popular worldwide, blended Scotch whisky accounts for the majority of the Scotch that is consumed. Blends are created from many different malt whiskies and grain whisky. Typically there would be about 80% grain and 20% malts in a blend with as many as 20 (but usually less than 15) different malts being used. Blended whiskies are popular because skilled master blenders can produce individual blends with consistent and distinctive characteristics. These are sometimes blended with particular markets in mind. For example at the end of the prohibition period in America (1933) some distillers created blends specifically for the re-emerging market there.

Single Grain Scotch Whisky

Single grain Scotch whisky is the product of a single distillery and made from unmalted barley, corn (maize) or wheat, water and barley. There are only a few single grain whiskies on sale to the general public and they are often hard to find. Almost all grain whisky goes into the blending process to create blended Scotch. The production process for grain whisky is continuous process and therefore production volumes are much higher than a typical malt distillery. This is reflected in the fact that there are only seven grain distilleries operating in Scotland at present and they can cope with the required volume.

Single Malt Scotch Whisky

Single malt Scotch whisky is so called because it consists strictly of malt whiskies from a single distillery. These must not contain any whiskies from other distilleries and it must be distilled in copper pot stills.

Single malts are produced in many areas of Scotland. Perhaps the best known (and the area with the highest concentration) is Speyside. Malt whiskies tend to be classified by there area of origin. There are five distinct areas, namely Speyside, Highland, Lowland Campbeltown and Islay, but it is not true to say that all whiskies from one area are the same, they may share certain characteristics, but no more than that.

It is worth noting that only about 5% of the today's malt whisky is bottled. The rest goes into blends.

In malt whisky distilling only malted barley may be used. Distillers may not use any other grains or fermentable products. Malt whiskies are produced in pot stills. The pot stills used here at the Loch Lomond Distillery are quite unusual. Four of these have rectifying heads and two have traditional "swan necks". This range of stills allows us to produce a total of eight different single highland malt whiskies.

Single Cask Malt

A single cask malt is one which is a bottling from a single cask. Since most of the American Bourbon casks that are used are 200 litres, and by the time the angels have taken their share, this means that not much more than 400 bottles will be available from each cask (depending on the age and type of cask used). The angel's share is what evaporates during the maturation stage so it will be dependent on the time in storage.

While single cask malts are very exclusive their consistency cannot be controlled by mixing the malts from different cask so don't always expect them to taste the same as other whiskies from the same distillery. Some of these "single, single" malts are also bottled at cask strength, with no water at all being added. This means that they often have 50% alcohol content or more, with some being as high as 60%. Most distillers would recommend that whisky be consumed at approximately 28 to 30%, typically 3 parts whisky to 2 parts water. This allows all of the flavours (some of which are dissolved in the alcohol) to be fully appreciated.

Pure Malt

Pure malt whisky or vatted malt is a blend of malt whiskies from different distilleries. The term "Pure Malt" was coined to suggest exclusivity but it really just means that the bottle contains no grain whiskies. Clearly all Scotch malt whiskies are by definition pure malts or100% Scotch malts. This is not to say that pure malts are inferior. Once again the masterblender can marry together a number of malts in various quantities to produce a distinctive whisky with its own character and traits.
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Playing Golf

‎​Two women were playing golf. One teed off and  watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward  a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball  hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and  proceeded to roll around in agony. 

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately  began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a  physical therapist and I know I could relieve your  pain if you'd allow me,"she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few  minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony,  lying in the fetal position, still clasping his  hands together at his groin.

At her persistence,  however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.  

She administered tender and artful massage for  several long moments and asked,"How does that feel"?  He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
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‎​Boys are stronger Than Girls? Please!!! >:/

Sent by a woman (of course):


Can you bleed for a week and
survive?

Can you squeeze a 14 inch baby from a 10 centimeter hole?

Can you carry a 7 pound baby in your stomach for 9 months?

Can you take care of a child, cook, clean, and talk on the phone at once?

Can you carry 108 pound shopping bags?

Can you go a week only eating salad?

Can you face heartbreak?

Can you watch the love of your life be with someone else?

Can you burn your forehead with a straightener and not complain?

Can you wear a thin piece of string in your ass all day?

Can you walk all day on 6 inch stilettos?

Can you cry all night then wake up the next morning like everything's okay?

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Perfect Answers to Stupid Questions

PERFECT ANSWERS TO STUPID QUESTIONS....   
1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:- Are you sleeping?
A: No! I'm training to die:

2. Imagine when you take an electronic equipment to a technician to get it fixed and he still asks you:- Need it to be fixed?
A: No, it got bored of staying home alone so I brought It over for a ride. >:O

3. When It's raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: - Are you going out in this rain?
A: No, in the next one.=-?  

4. When you wake up, then comes an idiot asking you: - You Awake?
A: No. I'm sleep walking!(=|

5. Your friend calls your home phone:- Where are you?
A: At the bus stop!:/

6. They see you wet coming from the bathroom:- Did you just have a bath?
A: No, I fell in the toilet bowl! 

7. You are standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor and they ask:- Going up?
A: No, no, I am waiting for my apartment to come down and get me. (y)

8. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:- are those Flowers?
A: No baby! They are Carrots.  

9. You're in the toilet when someone knocks on the door asking:  - Is anyone in there?
A: No! The SHIT is talking to you.
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Rearranged

Someone out there must be "deadly" at Scrabble.(Wait till you see the last one)!  
________________________________

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER  

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER  

DESPERATION:   When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT  

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE  

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE  

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS  

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME  

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY  

ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT  

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S  

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE  

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE  

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE  

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
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Saturday, November 13, 2010

In the presence of GOD

"Living in the presence of God is truly the only security necessary; all the rest will be filled in later and better"

One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God at her heart. She responded to God's call and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.

The young woman had a very rough past, involving alcohol, drugs, and prostitution. But, the change in her was evident. As time went on she became a faithful member of the church..She eventually became involved in the ministry, teaching young children. It was not very long until this faithful young woman had caught the eye and heart of the pastor's son.

The relationship grew and they began to make wedding plans. This is when the problems began. You see, about one half of the church did not think that a woman with a past such as hers was suitable for a pastor's son. The church began to argue and fight about the matter..So they decided to have a meeting.

As the people made their arguments and tensions increased, the meeting was getting completely out of hand. The young woman became very upset about all the things being brought up about her past. As she began to cry the pastor's son stood to speak. He could not bear the pain it was causing his wife to be.

He began to speak and his statement was this:"My fiancés past is not what is on trial here. What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin. Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial. So, does it wash away sin or not?"

The whole church began to weep as they realized that they had been slandering the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Too often, even as Christians, we bring up the past and use it as a weapon against our brothers and sisters is a very foundational part of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.

If the blood of Jesus does not cleanse the other person completely then it cannot cleanse us completely..

If that is the case, then we are all in a lot of troublemaker can wash away my sins?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus! End of case!!!!

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."Psalm 55:23

My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you.
Please pass this to four other people you want to be blessed. This prayer is powerful and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards, let's continue to pray for one another. Here is the prayer:

"Father, I ask you to bless my friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask you to minister to their spirit at this very moment..Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through your grace. In Jesus' precious name..Amen

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Joke: Medicine

Learning medicine in class

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. 

The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?' 'Very good! And what is it used for?' 'It is used for a headache.' 

The second pupil said: 'Nytol.' 'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?' 'To help you sleep', replied the student. 

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.' ' And what is it used for, Johnny?" asked the surprised Sister Catherine. "It is used for diarrhea."

' 'And who told you this, Johnny?' ' "Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder."

''  Sister Catherine fainted.
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Sunday, November 7, 2010

The year of my birth

"In 1967, the world was a different place.

There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo.

In 1967, the year of your birth, the top selling movie was The Jungle Book. People buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster.

Remember, that was before there were DVDs. Heck, even before there was VHS. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema, and not downloading them online. Imagine the packed seats, the laughter, the excitement, the novelty. And mostly all of that without 3D computer effects.

Do you know who won the Oscars that year? The academy award for the best movie went to In the Heat of the Night. The Oscar for best foreign movie that year went to Closely Watched Trains. The top actor was Rod Steiger for his role as Police Chief Bill Gillespie in In the Heat of the Night. The top actress was Katharine Hepburn for her role as Christina Drayton in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. The best director? Mike Nichols for The Graduate.

In the year 1967, the time when you arrived on this planet, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out. The number one US bestseller of the time was The Arrangement by Elia Kazan. Oh, that's many years ago. Have you read that book? Have you heard of it?

In 1967... The Doors' self-titled debut album is released. The New York Times reports that the U.S. Army is conducting secret germ warfare experiments. Segregationist Lester Maddox is sworn in as Governor of Georgia. The Parliament of the United Kingdom decides to nationalize 90% of the British steel industry. The United States, Soviet Union and United Kingdom sign the Outer Space Treaty. The Chinese government announces that it can no longer guarantee the safety of Soviet diplomats outside the Soviet Embassy building. A Soviet nuclear test is conducted at the Semipalatinsk Test Site, Eastern Kazakhstan. Pope Paul VI issues the encyclical Populorum Progressio. The Surveyor 3 probe lands on the Moon. Montreal, Quebec, Expo 67, a World's Fair to coincide with the Canadian Confederation centennial, officially opens with Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson igniting the Expo Flame in the Place des Nations. Elvis Presley and Priscilla Beaulieu are married in Las Vegas. The Greek military government accuses Andreas Papandreou of treason.

That was the world you were born into. Since then, you and others have changed it.

The Nobel prize for Literature that year went to Miguel Ángel Asturias. The Nobel prize for physics went to Hans Albrecht Bethe from the United States for his contributions to the theory of nuclear reactions, especially his discoveries concerning the energy production in stars. The sensation this created was big. But it didn't stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year. Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn't it?

The 1960s were indeed a special decade. The Swinging Sixties saw the rise of counterculture. There was recreational drug use and casual sex. Many countries gained independence from their colonial rulers. Several governments turned to the left. In Britain, the Labour Party gains power. The Vietnam War continues. The Algerian War comes to a close. In the US, Hispanics fight to end racial discrimination and socioeconomic disparity. Feminism keeps rising. Art House films make it to theaters. The Beatles, Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones play their music. The US and Soviet Union come close to a military confrontation during the Cuba missile crisis. Nixon becomes US president. Man lands on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission of the United States. The first heart transplantation occurs. The first computer game, Spacewar, is created.

Do you remember the movie that was all the rage when you were 15? 48 Hrs.. Do you still remember the songs playing on the radio when you were 15? Maybe it was Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder. Were you in love? Who were you in love with, do you remember?"

In 1967, 15 years earlier, a long time ago, the year when you were born, the song Ode to Billie Joe by Bobbie Gentry topped the US charts. Do you know the lyrics? Do you know the tune? Sing along.

It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day
I was out choppin' cotton and my brother was balin' hay
And at dinner time we stopped and walked back to the house to eat
And Mama hollered out the back door "y'all remember to wipe your feet"
...

There's a kid outside, shouting, playing. It doesn't care about time. It doesn't know about time. It shouts and it plays and thinks time is forever. You were once that kid.

When you were 9, the movie Freaky Friday was playing. When you were 8, there was The Apple Dumpling Gang."


And these were just some of the things the happened the year I was born.
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Monday, November 1, 2010

Burnt Bubba

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty
badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his
two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything
together.


Daryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl
said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange.


Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.

Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.
Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No,
it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"


Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?!" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes.
Every time we went to town, folks would say,
'Here comes Bubba with them two arseholes.'"

Have A Super Day! (no matter what other arseholes may say)





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Something to offend everyone! 

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage. 
A poor homeless man sat there and said, 'I've not eaten for two days.'  

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'



I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.
Apparently the  instruction,
'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.'


  
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.'  
I said, 'don't worry fatty, your bound to lose it eventually.'


Snow in the forecast!  The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
 . I thought to myself  "fat chance" with a face like that!'



I have a new chat up line that works every time!  
It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be.
This line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, 'Excuse me, love, could I ask your opinion?  

Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'



Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away.' 
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

 

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. 

Apparently "Blacks" and Mexicans were not the correct answers.


 


 



 


 



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Laugh Loud and hard, remember that life is SHORT!!! Live Love and Laugh....

1)
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead.


2)
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


3)
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."


4)
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.


5)
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.


6)
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."


7)
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife
until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."


8)
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then, it
was too late."


9)
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.


10)
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say -- talk in your sleep.


11)
Just think; if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.



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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Tropical Storm Tomas

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Storm

What a storm, what a breeze that blowed over our island. They say "God must be a Trini"and quite frankly I myself am starting to believe that.

Imagine no storm or severe weather warnings over the past few weeks from the (ODPM)Organization for disaster Preparedness and Management , resulting but not the cause of our capital city Port of Spain being under flood waters, on the outskirts of the city limits, landslips, rivers overflowing their banks citizens being marooned in their own homes, and tens of thousands of dollars worth of damage to home and livestock.

Now this! Big media frenzy, warnings galore and people put into a panic by the same people who stood silent at the first wave of waters or signs thereof.

Friday October 29 2010 will forever be known as the day the Media, the Meteorological service,the Supermarkets all and sundry pulled a fast one over the unassuming eyes of the populace of Trinidad and Tobago. For it seems that all that was accomplished in all that panic was increased sales for those supermarket and chain store owners as bottled water, candles and the like rolled off the shelves and sat next to trolleys filled to the brim by shoppers who against their better judgment, spent outside their budgets....for what?

Are we then to trust the would be cries of the Met service on their next weather advisory, or is it a safe bet to say that we've got our own business and heart in our own hands?

Two days later our tropical depression, now tropical storm Tomas the nineteenth named storm of the already volatile hurricane season, is bearing down hard on the Leeward islands including Barbados, with the likelihood of it pounding Jamaica and of course Haiti with hurricane force winds.

That being said we are and should be grateful and I guess count our lucky stars that another tragedy may have yet been averted, and maybe yes God may just be a Trini.


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Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Bunny and the Snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and
an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny
was hopping through the forest and the snake was slithering through the
forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.

This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the
bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind
since birth so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an
orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I am
blind from birth and an orphan. I tell you what. Maybe I could slither all
over you and work out what you are so at least you'll have that going for
you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny and said, "Well, you're covered
with soft fur. You have really long ears, your nose twitches and you have a
soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The
bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw
and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over and remarked, "Well, you're smooth,
slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say
you must be either a team leader, supervisor or possibly someone in senior
management."



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Big Shot Trini

Big shot Trini Joe, grew up in Barataria by Jumbee bridge, then went away to attend college and law school.  He decided to come back to T&T because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone so he returned and opened his new law office on St Vincent Street among the big sawatees.  
   
The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway.  He decided to create a big impression for this new prospective client when he arrived.  As the man came to the door, Joe grabbed up the phone.  He motioned the man in, all the while talking.  
   
"No.  Absolutely not!  You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.  Yes, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear that case next week.  I'll be making the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide the necessary support."  
   
He went on playing himself, "Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."  
   
The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes.  All the while, the man sat patiently and quite unperturbed as Joe rattled instructions filled with endless legal jargon.  
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy.  What can I do for you?"  
   
The man replied, "I'm from TSTT, the telephone company.  I came to hook up your phone."  
 
 



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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

MJpatent.jpg

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Smooth Criminal.jpg

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All Hail the King of PoP

Michael Jackson just etched himself into the record books once again by breaking the all time record for most earnings by an entertainer(alive or dead) in a given year.

The king of Rock and Roll Elvis Presley's estate at its highest peak could only muster $60m, while Michael's new $275m and growing figure is sure not be broken anytime soon.

Among his accolades are a number of other notable mentions:

26 American Music Awards

40 Billboard Awards

7 BRIT Awards

1 Golden Globe Award

1 MOBO Award

18 Grammy Awards

13 Guinness World Records

13MTV Awards

10 Soul Train Awards

14 NAACP Image Awards

56 RIAA Awards

4 American Video Awards

13 World Music Awards

A total of 386.

Apart from these, did you know that Michael has a patent for his shoes used in the Smooth Criminal video? These shoes allowed him and his dancers in that video to achieve a forward 45 degree lean beyond his center of gravity enabling the appearance of defying gravity. Go figure.
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Monday, October 25, 2010

Letter to Guyana

Guyanese Letter    

 Dear Beta:

 Just a few lines to leh yuh know dat ah still alive. Ah writing slow cause ah know yuh cyah read fast. Yuh wont know de house when yuh come home. We move.

Ah wont be able to sen yuh de new address as de last Guyanese family dat live here tek de house numbers wid dem so they wont have to change deh address at dey new house.

 About yuh fadda.....he gat ah lovely job. He gat now over 1500 men under he. He cuttin grass at de cemetery.

 Dere was a washin machine in de new house when we move in, but it aint wokin too good. Last week ah put some shirts in it, pull de chain, and ah aint see de shirts since.

 Yuh sister, Parbattie had a baby dis marning. Ah aint find out wedda is a boy or a girl, so ah doh know if yuh is ah aunt or ah uncle.

 Yuh know Bharose? Well he drown last week in ah vat at de rum distillery. Some ah he fellow workers dive in to save he, but he fight dem off bravely. He family cremate he body, and it tek three days to put out de fire. 

Yuh fadda didnt have much tuh drink fuh Christmas. Ah put ah bottle ah castor oil in he soup.... It keep he goin until New Years. Ah went to de dacta on Tursday and yuh fadda came wit meh . De dacta put a small tube in meh mouth an tell meh tuh nat open for 10 minutes.

Yuh fadda offer to buy it from he. It only rain twice last week. Fus for four days, and then for three days. Monday it was so windy dat de fowl cock fly roun de house fuh ah half hour and ah hen lay de same egg 3 times. Ah go write yuh again as soon as ah cud sneak ah next page outta Vindra copy book.   


Love -
Mammy

 PS: Ah was to send yuh ah twenty dalla but ah already seal de envalope.   
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Laws

  

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.11. Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.  Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.  



 



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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Joe went into his proctologist's office for a rectal exam.

Elaine, the doctor's new nurse, took him to an examining room and told him to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see him.

While waiting, Joe observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
* a Tube of K-Y jelly
* a rubber glove
* a beer

When the doctor finally came in Joe said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

The doctor flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Damn it Elaine, I said a BUTT LIGHT!"
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The Male Physical..A comedy of errors...

Every wondered why men, as strong and as brawn as we appear to be, never or rarely discuss the "going ons" of a complete physical at the doctors office?

I say "Men be warned" why not? There are other labels out there that are applied to dangerous situations. Had a physical examination been a product it would read "Buyer Beware" or the doctor a house pet "Beware of the dog" would be a fence or gate posting. Warning signs have and will serve a purpose, mainly to give people the heads-up to impending danger.

Funny yes but think about what I'm saying for a few, yes ponder with me if you will (if you haven't already) the thought of a young man....No better yet, a man going with all good intentions to his doctor for a physical. To the young men out there take note.

Women out there may be saying that I'm about to cry foul because They have go to doctors all the time, so it can't be all that bad. All well and good as they, (ahum), you women are entitled to your own opinion. But there is a major difference here, and hopefully you'll see the humor and horror of it before article's end.

You see for women it easy to say that you're off to the Gynecologist and you leave home with the knowledge that hey, "today my doctor is going to be down there today", and with that in mind, adjust to suit. A urologist I'm thinking deals with urinary and genitalia issues of the male and female correct? What branch of medicine deals with Ass probing? Same specialist? No a proctologist !

I'm talking about a regular doctor, a regular man, on a regular day, whistling on his way to the doctor's office because he is telling himself " gee I love my life and my family so much, I think I'll go get me some insurance, together with a physical, lunch, a few drinks later and then a party perhaps?" Just a thought...in reality this is what happened (happens oops!).

This could happen to you :

This fella went for said physical by a recommended physician, a regular Doc.... Sat down filled out the required information and waited to be called.

Upon reaching and subsequently sitting on that cold examination table the eloquent sound of waves crashing from the 'Bose Wave Sound' radio permeated the room with its enchanting and oh so relaxing rhythms. "Ahh" the thought that this is such a nice office could not be ignored. After a brief discussion the doctor begins his examination.

You know, its normal to strip and when asked to do that I ( ahem), I mean this fella obliged and put on the gown. Moving on to the actual examination, one is asked to urinate in a kidney shaped bowl, however, let it be known that the idea of the sample is just that, a sample! Don't fill up the whole kidney with piss, just enough to dip those strips in to check your sugar. One's blood pressure is taken and if necessary a blood sample is taken (none was on that day).

A test of one's reflexes is next where one might be tempted to exaggerate movements and kick the doctor. From there the physician may check your muscles, joints and your lungs...you know, breathe in and breathe out ....Then comes the kicker!

This is where they get personal, "Buyer Beware"!!!

Be prepared to be up close and personal and pray to God for fresh breath! Your eyes and ears are next and I'm thinking this is as close as I get to any one before there is an exchange of bodily fluids.

And then wham! There it is you've got a stranger holding your scrotum aka BALLS in his hand without so much as a soft spoken word or a kiss, telling you to cough!!!

Invariably the physical was in motion and having someone cup your balls like a thief in the night and without so much as a warning was as a thought the end of a disturbing day. But needless to say it had just begun...

"Turn around and bend over". Words commonly associated with being incarcerated, would reverberate and send unmanly chills over, around and through any strait man's
body. What goes on in a persons mind is left to the individual. However for me, I'd be thinking that this is not how I figured my day will turn out.

In fact for the individual at hand it got worst when without warning a violation did occur! At this point the man in you tells you to turn around and confront the penetrator / perpetrator, but then one is asked to relax, huh? Relax and what, "take it like a man", take what? You are, as you may know are entitled to know "what" is going up your ass, don't you think so ?

Women, the shame of being violated borders on rape and one could only empathize with you as this ordeal compares not to your gynecological or mammography experiences.

But in so far as this goes, we men have had to hold pride in hand and address the issues of Prostrate Cancer and the prerequisite/ preventative annual more intense checkups associated with early detention and care of same...

No one died and life goes on.
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Friday, October 22, 2010

Cedar Druids horoscope by DailyHoroscope

The strong, magnificent Cedar has a revered history that dates back thousands of years. According to legend, its aromatic red wood was used in the construction of Noah's Ark, the Ark of the Covenant, and the cross on which Christ was crucified. This stunning beautiful tree, with its unmistakable silhouette, is associated with healing, cleansing, and protection against evil. Cedar Tree people are also beautiful, but despite their attractive appearance it is not their beauty, but rather their strength of mind that impresses others.

Confident and self-reliant, this sign can feel like home practically anywhere. Cedar people can adapt to any situation and find the perfect solution to even the toughest, most complex problem. Although Cedars feel no particular need to be admired, their dedication and hard work bring them plenty of admiration.

Most signs are drawn to Cedar Tree people. They seek out the Cedar's advice, value its opinions, and feel privileged to do favors for Cedar people. And that's fine, because Cedars like to be in a spotlight. They believe that they have a right to have the last word in any given situation.

Cedar Tree people can be tyrants, but they are a very trusting kind. They will never bother to look over anyone's shoulder to see that something has been done exactly as demanded. When dealing with others, Cedars often abuse their power, but they do so unintentionally. Because they are unfamiliar with modesty, shyness, and the lack of self-confidence, they may have many bullies. Even well past teen age, Cedars can hurt somebody's feelings or put someone down just to have a good chuckle. However, at the same time, Cedars are afraid to become an object of derision themselves. They will never forget anybody who has ever dared to make fun of them.

Cedar people are very self-assured, which is their greatest advantage and, at the same time, their greatest disadvantage. No matter how difficult the situation may be, Cedars never ask for help. In fact, they are great at finding trouble. Obstacles not only make Cedars stronger, they make them believe that they are unbeatable. Cedars are extreme optimists. They prefer to go with a flow because they always believe in a positive outcome. When Cedar Tree people take a matter into their own hands, they put all their energy and heart into it.
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Hackberry - Druid horoscope

Druids were ancient celtic priests who operated mainly in british and french areas. Regrettable is that there are no much information about ancient druids nowadays, because they shared their traditions by mouth-to-mouth instead of using literal archives.

Druids were and are known as nature-loving people, who had much effects in northern british-isles. Many druidic rites and ceremonies have transferred into modern days and pagan festivities like the halloween party. Also wiccan as a religion has much to thank for druids, as many of it's traditions are influenced by druids. Modern druids operate mainly on british isles.

Name
Hackberry

Dates
9.2-18.2,14.8-23.8

Type
Masculine

Element
Fire

Description
Hackberry person easily adapts to any situations without problems. He's got a good health and wants to amaze other and be center of everything. Hackberry-people can make quick and determined solutions.

He is a proud, self-centered and optimistic, which has cause him to make careless choices.
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Two Parrots

 A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. 

 I have two female parrots,  But they only know to say one thing.'  'What do they say?' the priest asked. 

 They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'  'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, 

 Then he thought for a moment.....  'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.

 I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...  Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

  My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying...  That phrase...  In no time.'  'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.' 

 The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....  As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying... 

 Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...  After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:  Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'  There was stunned silence...  Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,  'Put the beads away, Frank, Our prayers have been answered! 
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Why Sharks Circle before attacking

‎​
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." 
And they did. 

"Well done, son!  Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." 
And they did. 

When they were both gorged, the son asked, 
"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?  Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!" 
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Trini Retailers

A couple of Trini businessmen in Chaguanas were sitting down for a break in their soon to be open store. The store wasn't ready yet with only a few shelves set up.

 One said to the other, "Ah bet any minute now, some chupidee go put he face in the window and ask what we selling"

 No sooner were the words out of his mouth, when sure enough a curious window shopper walked to the window, had a peek and in a loud voice asked, "What all yuh selling here?" 

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We selling arse-holes."

 Without skipping a beat, the window shopper said, "All yuh doin well then...only two left!"
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Trini hearsay or Trini life

EXPERIENCED IT ALL:

Ignition switches on the dashboard, Air Horn button, Pioneer 'Clock Face' Cassette Deck and gold music horns on door posts of taxis.

Dish rims and spacers on cars so the tyres stick out

The punk belt, coral chain or black coral pendants, multi-coloured laces, Jerri Curl, Punk(mullet), Gumby or muff hair styles.

Pants leg clips for bicycles without chain guards so that the black oil don't rub on your pants or your foot..Clothes pin and card on bicycle spoke to click when rotating. Straighting of bicycle fork and extending it ..Replacing the standard bicycle handle with a strait bar.

 Soldering COAL POT irons heated on a coal pot or pitch-oil stove

Using hand signals for cars without  indicators or the little yellow hand would pop out of the side of the car door. 


Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom

1) Candy cigarettes, Kaiser ball, Chili Bibbi and mango chow, Tippi Tambo, Snatty nose Dongs, Goo-Goo-beff, Padu,

2) The parlor at the corner and the shop on. the main road

3) Storming fete.

4) Only 1 telephone on the whole street.

5)  Newsreels before the movie, and the boys lime was in PIT (25 cents) and they would exit the side door and the cute girls would lime in HOUSE (50cents), and there was always a lady selling nuts and dinner mints on the steps outside. Checking out a Silver Fox double @ Globe....The Chinese shoe

6) TV - Ricky-Ticky- was the hardest children show with Jermaine Mitchell. The lime was at somebody's house and all the children in the area would be sitting on the floor enjoying the show - Only 1 TV Channel  -TTT... , And only one or two TVs in the whole neighborhood. The Electric Company, Muppet Show and d original Sesame Street.

7) Sling shot, and the big game for the boys was 'police and tief' and gun and caps was the GUN of the times but "yuh muss only fall down and play dead"

8)  Latrine, WC, Outhouse.  Those who had toilet had a water tank high above your head with a long chain to pull to flush. 

9)  78, 33 and 45 RPM was the records and a Gramophone or Turntable to play your records.

10) Hops bread, butter bread, rock cake, pallet, hail and a big snow cone without a cup.

11) Metal ice trays with a lever . Everybody had koolaid ice blocks.

12)  Pitch Oil Flambeau and torch light with a Blue flashbulb - 2 cell using 2 batteries and a Green flashbulb - 3 cell using 3 batteries.

13)  Playing marbles.. You had to have a snake eye and hop scotch in the yard.  A big rope hanging from the tree with a piece of wood or tire for the seat to swing with.

14)  The fish man would ride by every day on his bike with a horn on the bike handle squeezing and BAWLING  - 'Carite, Moonshine and Cavali.  A box full of fish on ice at the back.  He had a scale, Guardian newspaper to wrap up the fish and a chopper to chop it up...The man knew everybody in the area by name and their choice of fish.

15)   Scrubbing Board or Jooking Board, blue soap  and Breeze, and mummy must bleach the clothes on some special stones at the back of the yard (Don't run on those stones - mummy would act like they are sacred) or, she had daddy build a bleach with wood and wire to lay out all the whites already washed in blue.  Water at the stand pipe.

16) Boys raiding people's mango tree, plum tree, guava tree and any fruit tree at night and scaling fence. Next morning the poor tree is bare.

17)  Every body had to be Uncle or Auntie and yuh better say Good Morning to everybody before they tell on you, or is LICKS.  "Yuh Rude"

18)  Getting a 'CUFF IN YUH MOUTH  or a CLOUT IN YUH HEAD' for answering back, watching CUT EYE or WALKING OFF when Mummy speak to you.

19)  POSEY or TENSIL to pee in at night and no body want to empty it or wash it.  Don't let mummy smell it because is LICKS IN YUH TAIL

20)  And you had to drink your BUSH TEA, and take Senna Pod tea, your SALTS, CASTOR OIL, worm out or else... 


 If you remembered 0 to 3:    You're still young

If you remembered 3 to 6:  You are getting older 

If you remembered 7 to 15: Don't tell your age

If you remembered ALL =  You might be older than 'rock of ages' 

But those memories should be some of the best days of your life. Don't you agree?
Share with your LONG TIME friends....           Trini forever!!!!!
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